A Typical Ninja Lunch Break

Masaki, Reiki and Jasmine stood rigidly to attention as their master addressed them. Master Yamaoto stared at them, but it wasn't a stare of disgust, it was a stare of pride. His students had trained very hard that morning. 'My students...' he began, 'you've made your master very proud.'

These ninjas were in the prime of their youth, Masaki was fifteen, Reiki was thirteen and Jasmine was twelve; they were abandoned as babies but they were all found by Master Yamaoto at the base of his training compound. He took them in and raised them as his own, so they didn't so much look on him as a master but a father. 'Your progression amazes me,' he continued, 'never have I seen such excellence... in any of my young warriors.'

He sat down on a nearby tree stump. 'But...' he warned, 'you must not let yourselves become too cocky or else all that hard work shall be for nought. Now, go to the kitchens and get yourselves some nourishment.' They bowed before him and ran off to the kitchens.

As they walked toward the door, Masaki's stomach started to rumble. 'I wonder what the chef has for us today?' he asked.

'There's only one way to find out,' Jasmine replied as she opened the door. There was the chef, Soto, standing waiting to give the ninjas his speciality of the day. 'Ah...' Soto smiled broadly, 'my favourite ninjas have arrived.'

They greeted him with a bow and Masaki said, 'Hello, Chef Soto.'

'Have I got a treat for you today!' he said excitedly. He handed them a bowl of steaming hot rice and plates of sushi. Soto's sushi was a particular favourite of Masaki. 'When you have finished that,' he said, 'I have been baking one of my apple pies, it's cooling on the window.'

'Are they the apples from Kippet Valley Forest?' Jasmine asked with anticipation.

'You know it, Jasmine.'

'Yes!' Jasmine was extremely happy to hear it. The Kippet Valley Forest apples were the sweetest apples in the whole province. They walked towards their table and all the while Jasmine salivated over Soto's apple pie, they sat down. 'Did you hear that guys?' Jasmine asked excitedly, 'Soto made us an apple pie!'

'Yes Jasmine,' Masaki and Reiki answered.

'C'mon guys... show more enthusiasm here.'

Reiki began eating his lunch, making sure that he wouldn't have to say anything. Masaki had that pleasure.

'Well... it's just... err...' he stumbled.

'It's just what?'

'Soto's pies aren't that... special.'

'What do you mean, Masaki?' she asked as she raised a piece of sushi to her mouth.

'We get Soto's apple pies on a regular basis.'

'Yes... but this time he made it from Kippet Valley Forest apples.'

'Okay,' Masaki said. Jasmine became slightly annoyed, 'Look here, I will not hear another word against the pie.'

Masaki and Reiki didn't say anything, as they had each seen how Jasmine reacted when she got angry. It was something they cared not to see too often or be at the receiving end of. 'Anyway...' she said, 'how do you two feel training went for you today?'

'I think it went fine today,' Masaki replied as he munched on some rice. Reiki swallowed what was in his mouth, 'Reiki also think training go fine for him too.'

'Okay then,' Jasmine said. They sat quietly eating their food, well basically picking at it. 'Hey...' Jasmine broke the silence. Masaki and Reiki looked at her. 'Do you think that the author has lost interest in this story?' she asked.

'Why do you say that Jasmine?' Masaki asked back.

'Well, he gave us a big setup and now there's this mediocre middle bit.'

'You're probably right Jasmine, he'll probably just trail off until he writes an abrupt ending.'

'Author took on too big challenge,' Reiki said, 'not know what Japan like back then.'

'Too true, Reiki.'

They finished their lunch all the while passing judgement on my story... and I just like to remind them this is MY story here.

'Ooo, he sounds mad!'

Damn right, I'm mad Masaki! How dare you cast aspersions on my storytelling techniques; and you all shouldn't be breaking the fourth wall anyway.

'Jeez sorry.'

I can't spend the rest of this story fighting with you. Soto approached them with his pie in hand, 'So, you enjoyed my lunch?' he asked.

'Sure did,' Jasmine replied, 'now what about this apple pie you made for us?'

'I've got it right here,' he put it on the table and using a knife, he cut the pie into three pieces. Then, he gave each a slice.

'There you go,' he said, 'I gave you the biggest piece Jasmine, cause I know how much you like my pies.'

'I don't think Master Yamaoto would be too happy about that!' she joked. Soto smiled and walked away. They started eating their slices, 'Mmmm...' Jasmine said, 'this turned out be better than I'd hoped.'

Masaki and Reiki both nodded their heads in agreement as they ate. When they had finished, they took their plates to Soto and he took them of him. Job well done, he thought to himself. The ninjas walked out the door and raced to the top of the mountain where Master Yamaoto was still sitting on a tree stump. 'Oh, you have finished already,' he said, 'very well, let's get back to it.'

The ninjas took their positions. 'By the way...' Master Yamaoto said, 'I know you have been breaking the fourth wall again.'

'How did you know, sensei?' asked Jasmine

'I know all that goes on in my compound,' he stood up, 'plus I actually read what was going in the story.'

'But...'

'Silence, Jasmine,' he ordered, 'passing judgement on other people is... a bad thing. "A bad thing"?'

Sorry Master Yamaoto, I ran out of clever wisdom-like things to write down.

'Good night... Anyway my ninjas, let's get back to training.'

THE END

The Interview (Unfinished)

The room was big and empty apart from a table and chairs, on the table was a tape recorder and a man was sitting on a chair staring at the floor; he was obviously trapped in an overwhelming wave of guilt. Another man entered the room carrying a folder in his hands and sat down on the chair opposite him.

'I'm Detective Vanderbrooks,' he introduced himself but the man continued staring at the floor. 'You said to the policeman at the desk you wanted to confess to a murder?' he asked softly but however, he was half expecting him to be a fake as he had encountered many fakes during his interrogations. The man broke his stare, 'Yes…' he answered, 'I… I killed my wife.'

The detective switched on the tape recorder, 'What's your name?'

'James… James Sunderland.'

'And what's your wife's name?'

'Mary.'

'Can I ask why?'

'Well…' James began, 'Mary was diagnosed with an incurable disease and the doctors who saw to her could only guess how long she had left…'

'And how long did she have?' Vanderbrooks asked trying his best not to sound insensitive. 'They guessed six months or three years,' he replied, 'but they couldn't be certain…'

He stood up and lent against the wall. 'Do you know how it feels to have a knife cut through your soul, detective?' he asked, 'to know that your one true love will no longer be beside you when you wake up in the morning?'

'No.'

'Well that's how I felt but I knew that I must stay strong… for Mary.'

'She must have been very important to you?'

'She was; she was my everything.'

'I could only imagine the heartbreak you went through,' Vanderbrooks said. James regarded it as a very typical comment from a person who hadn't suffered a great tragedy, 'Yes,' James responded as he sat back down and stared at Vanderbrooks… he gave the detective a fixed, glassy, emotionless stare.

The New Assistant (Unfinished)

It was a normal day for Death, he sat at his fine oak desk and just sat back in the chair but he knew that he was scheduled to arrive at the scene of a horrific car crash where three people would be killed… sometimes he felt Fate was just so cruel in his motivations but it wasn't like he had the ability to change destiny, it was something that just is. The phone rang, Death picked up the receiver, 'Hello?' he asked.
'Death… God here,' God replied, 'I need to see you as soon as possible'
'Right away boss,' he put the receiver back on the hook. He got up and left the catalogue and index room, he walked down the stairs, grabbed his scythe and left his house. Soon, he arrived at God's office, he knocked on the door. 'God,' he announced, 'its Death.'
'Come in,' God said. Death opened the door, hung his scythe on nearby hook and sat down on a chair in front of God's desk, it was cluttered by paperwork. 'Now, Death,' he started, 'it has come to my attention that you are now starting to find it difficult to keep up with your workload.'
'Yes I am.'
'Well I have decided to give you an assistant, to help ease the workload.'
'Oh that's fantastic news!' Death said with a smile. If, however, you're one of those readers who like to point out inaccuracies in stories, I'll rephrase that. 'Oh that's fantastic news!' Death said, his eyes lit up; there… happy now?!
'But here's the thing,' God stumbled as he revealed the catch, 'your assistant… is going to be… a soul you're going to reap tonight.'
'Huh?'
'Fate tells me you're scheduled to appear at a car accident this evening, yes?'
'Yes, that's right,' Death answered, 'Fate told me that three people would die tonight.'
'Well, Fate actually changed his mind. He's going to have one person die in that car crash and her name is…' God began typing furiously on his computer, 'Martina Hix.'
'Is she a young girl?' Death asked, he was still repulsed by the idea of having to reap souls of the young, especially kids. God had pulled up the file on Martina Hix, 'Unfortunately yes,' He said, 'she's only 20.'
'Damn it.'
'I know how you feel about this but it can't be changed,' God sympathised, 'apparently, she was a never-mean-to-be sort.'
'I see,' Death kind of groaned at this, 'so I'm correcting mistakes again?'
'Looks like it,' God replied. Death got up from the chair, grabbed the scythe and stormed out of the office. Meanwhile back in our reality, Martina Hix was in her car and had set in motion the event leading to her demise. She was at a crossroads, the light was green but she checked both sides for any unexpected dangers. As she pulled out, a speeding car rammed into the side of hers; the collision was so devastating that it toppled Martina's car onto the side. She lay in heap with a broken neck and she felt her heart coming to a stop as she slowly closed her eyes.
'Er… Martina?' boomed a deep voice. Martina opened her eyes but could see nothing only darkness, 'Agh!' she screamed, 'I can't see!' However, she could feel that she was lying down.  'Here,' the voice boomed, 'take my hand.' The mysterious stranger helped her to feet; it felt weird though, his hand felt unusually… thin.
'Thank you,' she said, 'but I still can't see.'
'Hang on…' the deep-voiced stranger seemed to do something, 'there… how about now?'
'Yeah, thank…' Martina said but it instantly turned to a stammer when saw who was in front of her, 'you. What the…?'
'I know what you're thinking, all new souls think that. Let me introduce myself,' he said, 'I'm Death.'
'Okay, so I must be dead then,' Martina was trying to come to terms with what was happening. She then looked around her surroundings and looked at herself, she was now a skeleton. 'Agh!' she screamed, 'what's going on here, why am I a skeleton?'
'Well,' Death was trying calm her down, 'let's just go to my house and I'll explain it all over coffee, you do like coffee?' He asked that question quite calmly but could still sense Martina's reserve. Within moments they were standing outside Death's house… well, mansion really. 'Woah,' Martina exclaimed.
'I know,' Death said smugly. He fished a key from his pocket and opened the door; they stepped into the giant hallway and Martina gazed in awe at the sheer fantastic beauty of the main hall, 'C'mon into the kitchen,' Death urged her so she followed.
'Nice,' she said as she walked into the kitchen. Death made two coffees and placed them on the table, they sat down and Death tried to explain the situation to her. 'Well…' she said sternly, 'I'm listening.'
Death took a long sip from his coffee, 'Alrighty then,' he started, 'the situation is that you're my new assistant.'
'Assistant!?' she exclaimed.
'Yes,' Death tried to calm her down again, 'apparently, this was meant to be. This is all down to administration.'
'I find this cruelly unfair! My life comes to an end, and a violent end I might add… just so you can have an assistant!?'
'Look… if it was up to me, you would have gone on living but Fate made his decision.'
'But why me, I never believed in you or Fate!'
Death couldn't answer that question; he even wanted to come up with a guess to make her feel better but was left lost for words. Martina got up from her chair, 'Can't you even say anything to make me feel better?'
Death stared downwards. 'Right,' Martina said and left the room, Death then followed her into the living room. Martina had crashed down the sofa holding her head in her hands; she was still trying to absorb what happened. Death sat beside her and one of Martina's eyes fell on the floor. The dislodged eye was like a wakeup call for her.
'Okay then,' Martina picked up her eye and screwed it back in her eye socket, 'how will this assistant job work?'
Death became slightly happy when he heard that question; he knew that Martina had finally accepted the situation. 'Well,' he answered, 'we've got to get you a robe, c'mon'
'Like the one you're wearing?'
'That's the one.'
'Right then,' she said, 'let's go.' Minutes later, they were in the bedroom and Death went into his walk in closet where he found a robe for Martina. He later came out with a robe, 'Here try this one on,' he said and Martina took it. She pulled it on over her head and admired herself in the mirror; she kinda liked what she saw. 'Mmmm… I like it,' Martina voice had become deeper, 'hey, what's the deal with my voice?'
'Don't worry about it,' Death answered, 'it's like when a teenage male's voice breaks when he gets to thirteen plus it's also a requirement.'
'God's request?'
'Yep… He said it brings more "authenticity",' he said that in quotation fingers, 'to the role as does this.'
Death handed her a scythe and as she took it, she was feeling more like Death's assistant than ever. 'Okay,' she said confidently, 'I think I'm ready to start reaping now.' Death looked her up and down, he could see that she was ready to take on the challenge as she looked exactly like him, if not more so. Several days passed and Martina had now fit in to her new capacity as Death's assistant and even come to enjoy it.

Complaint against Mario

Tokyo, Japan

3:35p.m.

 
 

Narrator: We start this story at the worldwide HQ of Nintendo where Shiguru Miyamoto, the creatoor of Mario, is busy at his desk.

<BUZZ!>

Shiguru: Yes, Enichi?

Enichi: Sir, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are demanding to see you.

Shiguru: Oh God... send them in Enichi.

<DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING>

Shiguru: Ah guys... how nice to see you again, come in please, sit down please

Splinter: Thank you.

Shiguru: What can I do for you this time?

Splinter: My sons are very offended by your portrayal of turtles in your Mario games.

Raph: What are you anti-turtles or something!? I oughta take my sai and stick them up your--

Splinter: RAPHAEL! CONTROL YOURSELF!

Raph: Sorry, Master Splinter.

Shiguru: So, what do you want me to do about it?

Leo: Look, all we ask is that you be fair!

Shiguru: But Mario's been fighting turtles for over 20 years. You can't expect me to change just to suit you. Gotta stay with what sells, bitches!

Leo: But not only does he got after living ones, he goes after dead ones as well!

Don: That's pretty sick to me!

Mikey: Oh nice going guys you made Raph cry now!

Splinter: There, there...

Shiguru: Oh jeez... here Raph. Here's a Kleenex for you.

<RAPH BLOWS NOSE>

Mikey: Sonic at least saved turtles from Dr. Robotnik in Sonic 2!

Shiguru: So?

Mikey: So... can't you do something like that?

Shiguru: No!

Mikey: You suck, man!

Shiguru: Look... I can't change how the Mario games work, now go away!!

Leo: We want you to bring in a good turtle in the Mario games.

Shiguru: GO AWAY!!

Don: Raph was right... you are anti-turtle.

<DOOR SLAMS>

Shiguru: Whew...

<BUZZ>

Shiguru: WHAT!?

Enichi: Sonic to see you

Shiguru: What does he want?